Damien666x
how I love - and HATE - now ...
and
a little more than a few other things about life,
people,
human development ...
what makes us who we are ...
Last Update of
this page ...... Monday, March 18th, 2002 at 11:11 p.m.
Damien666x
and
a little more than a few other things about life,
people,
human development ...
what makes us who we are ...
Last Update of
this page ...... Monday, March 18th, 2002 at 11:11 p.m.
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Well, I don't know if this is true of all peoples' parents - but, in my case, it appears that they NEVER stop trying to RUN YOUR LIFE. And, let me remind you that I am now 40 YEARS OLD.
They really DO present some of the stupidest questions on the face of the earth, too - as well as being the most "nosey" folks going ... I think that - other than a current "lover" - NOTHING irks me more than when someone shows up at my door - especially unannounced and uninvited - let alone when they do this either while I am just getting ready to go to work - or when I have just arrived home from work. Total fucking PAIN IN THE ASS.
Current update - July 18th, 1999 - yep - when I arrived home from work - from all the way down the Cape - this morning - my father was WAITING here. When I pulled in the yard, he said to me "what happened ?" I had been detained an extra hour - and consequently was an hour later arriving home than usual. But the real killer is this: He then asked me, "Oh, how come you were coming from THAT WAY?" This meant the street which I had just emerged from - THE main street of my town - and a perfectly logical way to be coming back from work down the Cape. While driving down to the store just now, to pick up some cigarettes, I couldn't help but wonder "what the FUCK...?" I mean - what's he trying to do - tell me what streets I'm supposed to use or NOT use now ...? WHAT IS IT with a person like this, anyhow? When I asked him what he meant by that, he asked me how I had come back and when I told him he said "it's SHORTER to come back straight across after you come over the bridge ..." No, it ISN'T, know-it-all - it's EXACTLY the same distance either way. Always seems like ANYTHING for the sake of trying to incite an argument ...
Oh, yeah - a good example of this, perhaps, is the FACT that I am considered - and, in FACT, have been CALLED "selfish." The reason being because I want control of MY OWN LIFE ...
That's much like my NEVER asking him - nor wanting him to do ANYTHING on my cars now. First of all, because I NEVER hear the end of it - about any time that he EVER has done something for me. Secondly, I like to keep my car at least halfway decent-looking and clean - and he makes a mess of it - including with irremovable grease and everything else - just not even considering the future aesthetics of the car once the mechanical job is done. Then, if and when I mention it, he makes smart-assed remarks like "that's the LEAST OF your worries ..." I fucking HATE that. Like I have time to be trying to remove greasy shit all over the car. It REALLY pisses me off. He is a person who really doesn't care a whole lot about personal appearance even - much less to understand that some people just simply do NOT want to be driving a shitbox car around in public. I don't want greasy fucking smear marks all inside my car because I don't want the shit getting all over my clothes. This is a guy, on the other hand, who thinks nothing of getting all shitted up and then getting in his vehicle and going out in public somewhere - LOOKING LIKE THAT ...
Although
I dress casually most often, I like to be neat - and most especially CLEAN
in appearance - at ALL times - and most especially when I'm going to work.
Not only because of the nature of my work demanding it - but just plain
BECAUSE - because that is the way that I
do things - that is who I
am and what I
am all about ...
I
totally fucking HATE it when someone shits up my car - much less with grease
or something that stains like that - something that RUINS the parts of
it which still ARE nice. I would NEVER do that to someone's car - most
especially not deliberately. And if I ever did, the LAST thing I would
ever do is to be beligerant and make smart-mouthed remarks to them about
it afterward. But SOME people have no consideration, whatsoever, apparently.
SOME people - even relatives -seemingly THRIVE UPON pissing other people
off and making their lives MISERABLE ... By ANY means possible, apparently
...
So
... do I "cling ...?"
I
don't think so - at least no more than one expects in a relationship.
Do
I enjoy sex?
Absolutely.
Every
day is my preference, generally.
Maybe
more than you could ever imagine ...
Let's
just say I can't even envision
EVER
needing Viagra in the future !!!
Am
I promiscuous?
Yeah.
I suppose so. But I do a lot more looking than I do screwing around. I'm
FOREVER on an ass patrol - for both men and women. But that's about it.
I do a lot of talking about it, yet I usually don't pursue it. Don't get
the impression that this means "all talk - no action" either, though. Because
I HATE that in anyone - so, I don't do it, either.
Overall,
once I'm with a partner and it's agreed upon that we indeed ARE together,
I'm pretty much monogamous - I don't cheat.
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Think
I'm fucked up? Maybe so - I've been to many a psychiatrist over the years
though and they assert I'm "normal" - whatever THAT is. I think that it's
made me stronger rather than weaker. Coming to terms with it all, that
is. Because the dangerous part is that for the longest time, I blamed myself
rather than those who did these things to me when I was essentially defenseless.
And
that is the shield of these perpretrators of abuse - that no one will ever
tell. That their victim/s will continue to believe that they
somehow
deserved it, asked for it, are themselves to blame. That this is what ALL
parents and other relatives do. That they have a RIGHT to do it and that
children and teenagers have no recourse. Up to and including taking your
soul, sexually.
Many
of these events which I outline here happened a long time ago. But to this
day, and I would imagine for the rest of my life, the question will haunt
me as to if I would have been bisexually-oriented if I had not been abused
in these ways.
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"The Unforgiven"
by
Spinning pentacle graphic courtesy of my friends
in the coolest/ HOTTEST
progressive metal band ever ...
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